Hawking the Scene

The Gay Breakfast Club

A gay take on one of my all-time favorite movies.  This might be what it would be like if The Breakfast Club added a little GLBT.  

Following the same dialogue, but instead of the "jock," "nerd," "freak" and "princess" you'd have the "dyke," "fag," "fairy," "lipstick lesbian" and "butch."

Dorian Gray Trailer

This is a timeless story, and one of my favorites from Oscar Wilde. 

Why Is Your Walkman So Big?

I've always been amazed at how quickly not only music has changed, but by how quickly the audio format has change, as well.  In my very young lifetime, I've seen this format change many times.  I was alive for the decline of the 8-track (those under 30 see the picture above), the record, the cassette tape and the cd.  Presently we live in the age of the mp3 -- unless I'm not aware of some popular new consumer formats.  I always was a bit behind, never wanting to let go of the previous version.

Though I never owned an 8-track, personally, I listened to my parent's often.  Those displayed in the above picture are among them.  I loved how you could hit a button to skip to the next song -- or at least you could skip to some part of the next song.  It was much better than picking up the needle and attempting to find where the next song began.  

When cassette tapes came into popularity, I was overjoyed.  I could record songs from the radio and not have to pay for them!  I'd even use my parent's microphone and pretend I was a DJ myself and introduce songs recorded from the radio, records and other cassettes.

I was late on the cd uptake.  I loved my cassettes.  My car had a cassette player, cassettes were cheap and I couldn't imagine ever being able to afford this futuristic player that played these fragile discs.  I'd never be able to throw a disc in my car like I do a cassette tape.  I finally caved a few years later when a friend of mine gave me his old cd player.

Like cds, I was late jumping on the mp3 bandwagon.  I didn't have a computer at the time, I didn't understand mp3s and my cds worked just fine.  I had a cd player in my car, after all!  How can you play this digitized, futuristic music in your car?  I listened to my first mp3 on a train in Fastiv, Ukraine when my Peace Corps friend let me check out his ipod.  It was the greatest thing and the world and I would have to have one IMMEDIATELY.  I was instantly embarrassed by my gigantic brick of a cassette player and hid it from sneering faces. 

I realized how bad it was when I was on this broken-down bus in a village of Ukraine and a young Ukrainian girl, who had never even been to a city, looked over to my cassette player and asked:

"What is that?"

"A walkman."

"Why is it so....big?"

While I still have some cds I'm not willing to part with, I have more gigs of music than I even know.  I've changed formats with the times, though often late.  I'll probably be late on the next format, whatever it may be.  But like my sexual firsts, I still remember all of my audio format firsts.  The first of each that I actually owned:

First Record:  Madonna - Like a Virgin

First Cassette:  Madonna - True Blue

First CD:  Counting Crows - August & Everything After

First MP3:  Tanya Donelly - Sliding & Diving

Do you remember your firsts????

I Am An American Conservative Shithead

I pulled this from America blog.  Apparently it's making its way around the Internet.  It's a great, eye-opening read.  Author still unknown:

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

10 New Shows I'm Excited About This Fall

I'm excited about the networks' upcoming Fall season.  ABC seems to be heavy on the dramas while NBC is relying on sitcoms for their ratings.  Though mostly original shows, some seem to be relying on ideas that have worked in the past.  Fast Forward appears to be banking on the popularity of Lost with their flash forwards.    100 Questions pulls its format from Friends.  Vampire Diaries is hoping to tap into the Twilight  fan base.  And Parenthood is based off the film with the same name.

Though not conclusive, these are the ones that have caught my attention so far.  Watch them and let me know what you think.  In no particular order:

1.)  GLEE (Fox)

"You think this is hard? I'm living with hepatitis, that's hard."

2.)  Vampire Diaries (CW)

"The battle for her soul begins with her heart."

3.)  Fast Forward(ABC)

"For 2 minutes and 17 seconds, 7 billion people blacked out."

4.)  V. (ABC)

"The world's in bad shape right now, Father, who wouldn't welcome a savior right now?"

5.)  Cougar Town(ABC)

"Look at that cute guy right there.  I'd like to like to lick his body."  

"That's my son."  

"Oh.  He looks smart!"

6.) Community (NBC)

"Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.  Uh, I was raised on TV and I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50 is a cosmic mentor ."

7.)  100 Questions (NBC)

"In 1775, cancer of the scrotum was a common disease among chimney sweeps."

8.) Parenthood (NBC)

"Do you think it's cool if we hang out, even though I'm 'quasi' engaged?"

9.)  Modern Family (ABC)

"We initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate, but then we figured, they're already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?  No thank you.  Ick."

10.)  Day One (NBC)

"You can't pick your neighbors." 

 "I did.  I chose each and every one of you.  Together we're going to save this world."

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell Trailer

I've been a Tucker Max fan for a while now.  Sure, he's crass, he's crude, he has no filter and is, in his own words, a "raging dickhead," but he also has the ability to tell a story in such a way that I come close to losing control over my detrusor urinae muscle (yes, I've been waiting to pull that line out for some time now).  He's the complete opposite of who I am and who I want to be, yet I'm still drawn to his escapades.  

If you haven't read I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, you should.  You can even borrow my well-worn copy. In the meantime, watch the trailer for the movie which comes out September 25th.  And remember, "fat girls aren't real people."

Super Michael Jackson Bros

This cracks me up.