Hawking the Scene

Little Gordon Ramsey

Since I posted The Littlest Osbournes, it's only fair to post Little Gordon Ramsey for all of you Hell's Kitchen fans out there (me included).  Watch parts 1-3 as Little Gordon Ramsey tears a few new ones:

The Littlest Osbournes

This just aired on the Osbourne's new show, "Osbournes Reloaded."  It shows Little Ozzy and Little Sharon on their 'first date.'  I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time.

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AskMen Names Chicago Number 1 City to Live in

Finally recognizing what all of us Chicagoans already know....

"As the largest city in the Midwest, Chicago strikes the perfect balance between cosmopolitan and comfortable, combining all of the culture, entertainment and sophistication of an internationally renowned destination with an affordable lifestyle and down-to-earth work hard/play hard character."

"Chicago possesses one of the world’s most vibrant, diverse and innovative restaurant scenes, from culinary luminaries like Charlie Trotter, Grant Achatz and Rick Bayless to an astounding variety of hole-in-the-wall neighborhood joints to Chicago’s signature greasy trinity of deep dish pizza, Italian beef and Chicago-style hot dogs."

See the entire article at AskMen.com

Thanks to Chicagoist for the tip.

Public Enemies Trailer

Public Enemies, which stars Johnny Depp and Christian Bale (with supporting roles from Channing Tatum, Giovanni Ribisi, Stephen Dorff and Billy Crudup) is set to be released July 1, 2009.  The film is about an FBI agent who is trying to catch the infamous John Dillinger in an attempt to tighten the rein on Chicago gangster activity.

For those of you from Chicago, you'll notice such landmarks as The Biograph theater, Uptown Theater and the Bridgeview Bank in Uptown.  And from 1:16-1:20 in the trailer, you can see my block, as well as my apartment building, where they filmed.

You can't go wrong with an all-star cast and a plot line that revolves around Chicago's gangster history.

Man Gets DUI On Bar Stool

Hysterical and rather ingenious.

From The Smoking Gun:

In a law enforcement first, Ohio cops this month arrested a man for drunk driving on a motorized bar stool. That's right, a motorized bar stool, which can be seen below in a police evidence photo. According to cops, Kile Wygle, 28, crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool."   A plastered Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded. 

Portia De Rossi's PSA, "Apologizing" For Getting Married

Funny.  Portia De Rossi aired this public service announcement, apologizing to "all those people whose lives have been affected" by her getting married.

Some Boystown Bars Ban Bachelorette Parties

I've long griped about about the annoying bachelorette parties that frequently take over the bars in Boystown.  A bus or trolley of loud, drunk, obnoxious women pulls up and the women take over the bar, often expecting special treatment.  

"No, I do NOT want to do a vodka-laced shot out of your penis-shaped squirt gun."  Even worse is when they expect you to participate in their scavenger hunt.  I can't tell you how many times a girl in a bachelorette party has asked to make out with me or asks me for my underwear.  "HELLO!  I'm wearing $40 Aussiebums...get out of here.  But I will take a condom off your veil, thank you very much."  I often wondered what would happen if a group of obnoxious, stereotypical, gay men pulled up at a sports bar, such as Cubby Bear, and took over the place.

Don't get me wrong, I love when women come to Boystown and I often bring them myself.  But bachelorette parties are an entirely different breed.

The Chicago Tribune ran an article, yesterday, explaining that a few Boystown bars are banning bachelorette parties because "they're a constant reminder that gays don't have equal marriage rights." 

"The women are a hoot, and some can be just delightful," said Geno Zaharakis, the owner of Cocktail, a gay bar on North Halsted Street. "But because not everybody can get married, watching them celebrate, it's such a slap in the face. Prop 8 just reopened the wound."

"Cocktail stopped hosting bachelorette parties a couple of years ago when he noticed his gay patrons weren't just complaining about the women being minor irritants but about them "flaunting" their right to marry. So Zaharakis hung a sign on the front door of his establishment that says, "Bachelorette Parties Are Not Allowed."

The owner of Sidetrack, Art Johnson, also banned bachelorette parties, saying, "As gay men who understand discrimination, none of us want to look like we don't welcome folks.  But it comes down to ignorant, bad behavior...That's the issue."  

Hypnotized by New Comcast Commercial

As an adman, rarely do commercials catch me off guard with their simple illustrations, fancy editing or catchy jingles, but the new commercial for Comcast seems to stop me in my tracks to watch and sing along.  Even when watching DVR, I am not immune, as I can't bring myself to fast forward through it.   My friend Zach is convinced that it's hypnotizing me, which is highly likely as the tone of the song is soothing and I cannot get it out of my head.

Come on and sing it with me!!!!

New Sensation Sending Shivers
Flying Further Dreaming Bigger
Single Cable One Decision
Internet Phone Television

High-speed internet elation
Crazy Fast Acceleration.
Awe Inspiring Screaming Yelling
R O T F L O Ling

Voice-mail E-mail All connected
Caller ID Friend Detecting
Kelly Calling Conference Karen
So much stuff to share with Sharon

More HD awesome edition
Def defying definition
Ninja's, Cowboys, Gangsters, Coppers
Huge Explosions, Helicopters

Films Fantastic, Shows Outstanding
Motherload of On-Demanding
Hometown Showdown Perfect Timing
Court-Side Kicking Back Unwinding

Happy High-Tech Automatic
Exponentially Ecstatic
Speeding for future hopping
Always dreaming never stopping

C-O-M-C-A-S-T
C-O-M-C-A-S-T

Growing up a Freckle Face

Growing up with freckles is never easy.  You look different from other kids, which give them the ammunition they need to taunt you.  For some kids, I was the first with freckles they would ever see and I'd hear them ask their parents, "Why does that kid have spots on his face?"  or, "What's wrong with that boy's face?"  I would pray that they would all connect one day and I'd have one fantastic, permanent tan.  I was Freckle Face until high school, when they finally faded.

Even worse than my peers were my older brother Chris and my younger brother Jason.  Aside from being called Freckle Face, my brothers also called me Freckle Juice and tried to rub lemons on my face to fade the freckles.  Thank you very much, Judy Blume.  Some mornings I would wake and go to the bathroom only to find that my face had been used to play 'connect-the-dots' while I was asleep.  They always paid particular attention to the random upside-down "Y" that adorned the bridge of my nose.  Sometimes they would pretend to spot various constellations on my forehead, regardless of the fact they couldn't do so in the sky.  I was a shy, sensistive kid and always took my brothers' remarks with a grain of salt.  But there is one remark that finally broke me down:

Chris:  Do you know how you got your freckles?
Me:  No.
Chris:  Jason held a screen to your face and I threw shit at you.
Me (now crying):  "NUH-UH.  Gramma says they're angel kisses!"

Of course I can barely type that without bursting into laughter NOW, but it was detrimental then.  The thought stuck in my head for days on end.  In my own mind, I went from being plain old Freckle Face to Shit-Stained Freckle Face.  Thankfully, I never vocalized this name as my brothers would have taken full advantage of my own verbal demise.

Once, I even temporarily lost a patch of freckles on my right temple.  I was taking the chocolate chip cookies that I just baked out of the oven and Chris grabbed a cookie from the baking sheet.  Now mind you, as a kid I was very rule-oriented.  Everything was systematic and one should always follow the system.  So I yelled at him, "The directions say the cookies are supposed to cool for TEN MINUTES!!!  Put the cookie BACK!!!"  Chris took that piping hot cookie and with his 'baseball pitcher's arm,' whipped it at my face.  The cookie's chocolate chips, now known better to me as molten lava, stuck to my face creating a second-degree burn and taking my skin, as well as my freckles, off with them. Unluckily for me, my photo was taken for the local newspaper the very next morning for a scholorship I won, sans a patch of freckles on my face.

The freckles on my face are now faded, though briefly make appearances during the summer months.  I can honestly say that i miss them now and find them incredibly sexy on other people.  Brotherly taunting and all, I'll always be proud to be a Freckle Face.