3 Rules for Writing A Status Update on Facebook

Jeremy is wondering why so many people are dumb.47 minutes ago - clear

 

 1. Make sure your update is either funny or relevant.  There's nothing worse than:

• the Debbie Downer update:  "John Doe's mom was just diagnosed with Cancer."
• the pathetic update (written multiple times a day): "John Doe misses his boo."
• the all-too-personal update:  "Jane Doe is having her heavy flow day."
• the where-am-I-now update:  "John Doe just returned from checking his mail."
• the read my blog update:  "Jeremy Hawking writes, 3 Rules for Writing A Status Update on Facebook.  http://www.HawkingTheScene.com."  Oh wait...that's me.

    

  2.  Make sure your update follows the correct grammatical person (one of my biggest peeves):

• Wrong:  "John Doe is tired and I can't wait to go to sleep."  Can't you see the disruption in the grammatical person here????  You can't go from third person to first person.
• Correct:  "John Doe is tired and he can't wait to go to sleep."  You started out speaking in the third person so you have to continue speaking in the third person.

    

  3.  Start your update correctly.  The status begins with your name, so it's the beginning of the
       sentence.  Common errors:

• "John Doe is had a good time tonight."  Next time, erase the ever-present, "is."
• "John Doe I finally got to the airport."  This sentence makes no sense and it also breaks the grammatical person rule.  It should read, "John Doe finally got to the airport."
• "John Doe Telling you to stop being so mean!!!!"  Again, makes no sense. This sentence should read: "John Doe is telling you to stop being so mean!"
• "John Doe Stupid is as stupid does."  You forgot your verb.  Use, "says," "sings," "quotes," "thinks," etc.  "John Doe quotes, 'Stupid is as stupid does.'"

Jeremy Hawking is happy when people "Facebook" responsibly.   :)

Comments

[Tanya]

You're the big brother of the internet that's constantly watching me =)

[Gregory]

Jeremy Hawking is my bitch.

[Stephen Anderson]

I agree with the third-person argument. What would you say should be done with statuses that are longer than a sentence. Sticking with third person throughout is awkward, switching after the first person sounds better but is grammatically incorrect, and going with first person the whole way just bugs me.