Things That Make Me Scowl

While I'm generally a positive person, there are times when a scowl is definitely appropriate.  These are some those times (in no particular order):

• Not grasping remedial grammar.
  • Seriously, is it that difficult to distinguish your from you’re? It’s also not proper to say, “I’m fine, yourself?” Would you say, “Is yourself fine?” No, you wouldn’t. By the way, it’s “definitely” not “definately”, “weird” not “wierd” and it’s “a lot” not “a lot.” (The list goes on and on). Don’t even get me started with the words gurl, boi and kewl. Cuz boi, myself thinks your so not kewl.
• Jean shorts on men.
  • The only thing worse than jean shorts is a pair of black jean shorts. Enough said.
• Muffin tops.
  • Ladies, ladies, please. If your stomach is hanging out of the bottom of shirt, your shirt is not long enough.
• Bad hygiene on public transportation.
  • Contrary to your belief, I don’t enjoy your fetid armpit in my face. Nor do I enjoy your bacterial breath at 8am.
• Loud cell phone talking in public.
  • I honestly don’t care to hear about how you want to slash the tires of the guy who gave you crabs (true story). Nor does anybody else. And put your phone on silent/vibrate. Nobody wants to hear your Kanye West ringtone, either. No, seriously.
• Suburbanites who take over the city.
  • Really? Are you really going to walk around with your fanny pack, Mickey Mouse sweatshirt (with obligatory muffin top) and frosted, permed hair, taking pictures of the Macy’s sign and then get mad at me when I politely ask to pass you and your friends, who are walking 5 people wide, while I’m on my one-hour lunch break? Or are you really going to get mad at me when I smash into you because you stop dead on a BUSY city sidewalk without checking to see if anyone is behind you?
• Christians who try to pawn their beliefs onto me and our government.
  • Quit trying to change the government and my life because of your beliefs. Your beliefs are your own. They are not mine. Believe in what you want to believe in.  I’ll believe in what I want to believe in. That’s the beauty of America.
• People on reality TV who ‘pray to God’ to win competitions.
  • As if God wouldn’t have anything better to do than to help an egomaniacal, faux-celebrity. I guess war and famine should take a back seat to your selfish needs.
• Pretentious people who say “usage” instead of “use” or “St. Louis” instead of “shit-hole”.
• When parents don’t control their kids and they use the excuse, “oh they’re just kids.” NO, they’re the spawns of Satan. Now DO YOUR JOB.
• Pacific Islanders requesting me as a friend on social networking sites. Who are you?
• Moving your lips while reading.
• My referring to her dog as my sister.
• People who go ballistic when their sports team wins, as if they were a part of the team.
• Not leaving me a message and then getting mad when I don’t call you back.
• People with nothing better to do than complain.
  • Oh wait….

Comments

[Kristin Woods]

love it! LOVE IT!!!!! I really love the parental advice!!! Come to my neighborhood and tell all the parents here!!!

[David Booth]

so when i mail ya do it make ya scowl?
thats so not kewl haha

[Tanya Mulkidzhanova]

Hey Jeremy,
That's where I probably miss you the most! BTW: “definately” is the mistake ALL AMERICANS make (ok, 99.9% of Americans)

[Anya Yablonska]

I miss you, Jeremy! Who esle can come up with these???
Are you OK with the smiley faces? :) cuz apart from what you mention - they piss me off! :):):):):)